Death

I remember when I was a child until my teenage years, I used to fear death so much. Parang sa isip ko noon, "Ayokong mamatay, hindi ako handa dahil andami ko pang gustong gawin at puntahan." That's why I didn't risk much. I took driving lessons before but discontinued kasi "baka eto pa ikamatay ko". I don't bike on highways kasi "baka may makasagasa sakin at ikamatay ko". I never wear my bra pag hihiga ako kasi "baka magka breast cancer ako at ikamatay ko." Before, I don't sleep alone with the lights off kasi "baka may sasanib sakin at ikamatay ko." I don't swim on pools before that are beyond 5ft or on deeper parts of the sea kasi "baka malunod ako at ikamatay ko." These may all sound ridiculous but this was how I feared death. I was conscious with eveything that can kill me.

But now? Or maybe since I reached the age of 20, a lot has happened in my life. Andaming nangyari na mas nakakatakot pa pala kesa sa death. Somehow, I kind of understand now why people use death as a solution to their problems. Pero no way, I'm not that type of person. Parang realization ko lang, ganun. 

For me, death is not painful. It's painful to the people you're leaving behind. But to the person who died, it's a new chapter, a new journey to I don't know where. It's a natural process, and nangyayari to sa lahat. I believe in the afterlife, but I won't discuss further about that kasi iba-iba tayo ng beliefs.

I believe na there are things that are more painful than death, and these things happen when you are alive. Most of these things happen when you are living out there, facing all these challenges, struggles; either alone or with others. These painful moments in our life, they may sound negative but these are the times that we learn a lot. We can learn lessons either in a hard way, or learn it too late. So far, I'm learning a lot in both ways. I have my regrets, but I think regrets are there to teach you something too.

Ngayon, hindi na ako takot sa death. Siguro ang kinakatukan ko nalang is how I will get my own death soon. Lord, wag naman sana yung masyadong madugo or long agony hahaha jackpot na siguro yung dying in our sleep noh. I'm not saying this kasi gusto kong mamatay hap, chill lang. I'm saying this as an acceptance na, death is a natural process that everyone udergoes and there's nothing to be afraid of about it. Siguro another fear ko na rin is, if I get my death without finishing my businesses here on Earth. Hindi literal na business yung negosyo hahahaha, kundi yung purpose na God has assigned to me. Naniniwala kasi ako na we all have our own purposes dito sa mundo, God has a reason why we are where we are now. 

I'm not advicing you anything on how you should live your life. Live it how you want it, I'm gonna live mine how I want it to be too, pero gusto ko with God's will. Of course, gusto ko rin sana makaabot sa old age, but gusto ko will din ni God yun. Siya lang naman kasi nakakaalam ng lahat eh, if you're mission's done or if there's a lot for me to be done pa. I admit, I've made a lot of wrong decisions in my life, pero iniisip ko na maybe God is trying to teach me something out of these mistakes. 

I'm ending this article with a beautiful and profound quote by Chuck Palahniuk, "I don't want to die without any scars."