Ghosting
In our universal language, ghost means the soul of a dead person thought of as appearing to living people (via Merriam-W). These creatures were used to scare us off when we were kids so that we wouldn't go out at night.
But in our modern time, ghosting/ghosted has another meaning. Ghosting happens when a person (either your friend or someone you're dating) avoids you and stops all kinds of communication with you without any warning or notice beforehand. Kinda cruel, right? I admit, I have done both roles before: the one ghosted and the one who ghosted someone.
It happened way back in high school, after the graduation or the summer of 2014. There was this classmate of mine who confessed his admiration to me through Facebook. Man, it was my first time to have someone confess that he's into me, because I was so used to being the one who does the liking, the crushes and all that admiration to opposite sex 😂. Fast forward after all the conversations and days of knowing each other online, he asked me out for a date at the mall. In the back of my mind, I wanted to grab the opportunity of experiencing this for the first time so I agreed.
So we met, and geez it was so awkward. I was overthinking the hell out of overthinking 😂. I had a lot of thoughts going through my mind like:
"What should we talk about?"
"How close should we sit?"
"Can he smell me from here?"
"What if I don't find his jokes funny?"
"How long do these dates usually last?"
"Should I tell him we should go home? Or should I wait for his signal?"
"Should I ask him stuffs or should I wait for him to ask me?"
"What if he doesn't like the food we ordered?"
"What if he can sense my awkwardness and leave me here?"
"What are we anyway?"
Looking back at it now, it was hella weird but funny. It lasted for I think almost 2 hours, that awkward walking and talking. Then it hit me, "Hell no, I ain't ready for this girl-boy thing, so no." So what I did when I got home, I messaged him "Thank you for today." By next morning, I blocked his number and his facebook account. So I ghosted him, I didn't leave him any explanation as to why I blocked him and stopped talking to him. It was mean, considering that he was nice to me and he deserved to know the reason why I did it. So I did it because I didn't have the courage to be straight up with him and say that I'm not ready with the idea of being with a guy, I was just not. It wasn't because he's not my type or I didn't like him, but the idea itself just really scared me off that time. I know he'll never read this, I don't even know where he is now, but I'm sorry.
The other role was when you're the one being ghosted. I was ghosted before but it wasn't that harsh because we weren't really dating. I was in 2nd year college that time when this schoolmate of mine started a conversation with me through text. The convos we're going smooth, he's dropping hints that he likes me and has always mentioned that I was special to him. After almost 3 weeks of communicating with him thru text and calls, one day, he became cold. He wasn't as sweet as how we started, until 2 days after that, he's gone. Like he didn't reply to me anymore, and his number couldn't be contacted. At first I thought, maybe he's busy or his phone died. But later I realized, maybe he's really not into me at all then. I didn't cry of course, because I wasn't that attached to him anyway, but I felt disappointed that he just went "poof!". No explanations, no signs, nothing.
See how the idea of ghosting is actually not fair for the one being ghosted. It's because you're leaving the person with lots of questions as to why would you suddenly left. They will always wonder if the problem was with them, or with you. I've also had friends before telling me their stories of how they were ghosted, and the general result is they we're partially mad, but mostly disappointed. Especially to those who were actually dating or in a relationship and suddenly your partner would just disappear, imagine how devastating that would be. Their expectations we're so high, and then ayun, naiwan sa ere.
It's hard to tell people what you really mean to say, especially if it's something that you know would hurt them. And so far after everything I've been through, not just about ghosting, but in all aspects (relationship, family, friendship, community), I've figured it's always better to hurt people with the truth than comfort them with a lie, or worst is leaving them without any word. I've learned that lesson the hard way, AS IN. FOR REAL. LEGIT GYUD. HAHAHAHAH MYGHAD so many saksi around. But I know it's not too late. And I know it's never too late for anyone to be better as long as gusto gyud nimo. So to the "ghosters" out there, sabay-sabay tayong matuto at magdevelop ng skill of "telling people what you really mean" without being mean or cruel. There's a fine line kasi between being honest and being mean/cruel. So, find that line.
But in our modern time, ghosting/ghosted has another meaning. Ghosting happens when a person (either your friend or someone you're dating) avoids you and stops all kinds of communication with you without any warning or notice beforehand. Kinda cruel, right? I admit, I have done both roles before: the one ghosted and the one who ghosted someone.
It happened way back in high school, after the graduation or the summer of 2014. There was this classmate of mine who confessed his admiration to me through Facebook. Man, it was my first time to have someone confess that he's into me, because I was so used to being the one who does the liking, the crushes and all that admiration to opposite sex 😂. Fast forward after all the conversations and days of knowing each other online, he asked me out for a date at the mall. In the back of my mind, I wanted to grab the opportunity of experiencing this for the first time so I agreed.
So we met, and geez it was so awkward. I was overthinking the hell out of overthinking 😂. I had a lot of thoughts going through my mind like:
"What should we talk about?"
"How close should we sit?"
"Can he smell me from here?"
"What if I don't find his jokes funny?"
"How long do these dates usually last?"
"Should I tell him we should go home? Or should I wait for his signal?"
"Should I ask him stuffs or should I wait for him to ask me?"
"What if he doesn't like the food we ordered?"
"What if he can sense my awkwardness and leave me here?"
"What are we anyway?"
Looking back at it now, it was hella weird but funny. It lasted for I think almost 2 hours, that awkward walking and talking. Then it hit me, "Hell no, I ain't ready for this girl-boy thing, so no." So what I did when I got home, I messaged him "Thank you for today." By next morning, I blocked his number and his facebook account. So I ghosted him, I didn't leave him any explanation as to why I blocked him and stopped talking to him. It was mean, considering that he was nice to me and he deserved to know the reason why I did it. So I did it because I didn't have the courage to be straight up with him and say that I'm not ready with the idea of being with a guy, I was just not. It wasn't because he's not my type or I didn't like him, but the idea itself just really scared me off that time. I know he'll never read this, I don't even know where he is now, but I'm sorry.
The other role was when you're the one being ghosted. I was ghosted before but it wasn't that harsh because we weren't really dating. I was in 2nd year college that time when this schoolmate of mine started a conversation with me through text. The convos we're going smooth, he's dropping hints that he likes me and has always mentioned that I was special to him. After almost 3 weeks of communicating with him thru text and calls, one day, he became cold. He wasn't as sweet as how we started, until 2 days after that, he's gone. Like he didn't reply to me anymore, and his number couldn't be contacted. At first I thought, maybe he's busy or his phone died. But later I realized, maybe he's really not into me at all then. I didn't cry of course, because I wasn't that attached to him anyway, but I felt disappointed that he just went "poof!". No explanations, no signs, nothing.
See how the idea of ghosting is actually not fair for the one being ghosted. It's because you're leaving the person with lots of questions as to why would you suddenly left. They will always wonder if the problem was with them, or with you. I've also had friends before telling me their stories of how they were ghosted, and the general result is they we're partially mad, but mostly disappointed. Especially to those who were actually dating or in a relationship and suddenly your partner would just disappear, imagine how devastating that would be. Their expectations we're so high, and then ayun, naiwan sa ere.
It's hard to tell people what you really mean to say, especially if it's something that you know would hurt them. And so far after everything I've been through, not just about ghosting, but in all aspects (relationship, family, friendship, community), I've figured it's always better to hurt people with the truth than comfort them with a lie, or worst is leaving them without any word. I've learned that lesson the hard way, AS IN. FOR REAL. LEGIT GYUD. HAHAHAHAH MYGHAD so many saksi around. But I know it's not too late. And I know it's never too late for anyone to be better as long as gusto gyud nimo. So to the "ghosters" out there, sabay-sabay tayong matuto at magdevelop ng skill of "telling people what you really mean" without being mean or cruel. There's a fine line kasi between being honest and being mean/cruel. So, find that line.
Comments
Post a Comment